He really meant well.....

I had a bit of an internal giggle today. I was unable to answer calls today at the office due to...get this.....a computer problem. For those who don't get the irony here, I work in a tech support department. So basically my mind was free to wander for the greater part of the day. I was reflecting a bit on the movie I saw on Sunday, "He's just not that into you". I can only equate the feeling this movie gave me to a scene from "Swingers" where Mikey calls a girl who's number he just gotten a few hours earlier. He calls.....and calls....and calls...... Basically the feeling of oh god make it stop.

There were parts in this movie that made me laugh and there were parts that I could really relate to. One of those was the scene where the wife got so pissed she ripped a mirror off the wall and threw it on the floor. Then less than 30 seconds later, without even having the chance to enjoy the release, she had the broom and dust pan in her hand cleaning up the mess. Yep, that's me alright. I did the exact same thing with a nicely framed engagement photo that was once hanging in my home. Hit a bit too close to home I guess. In another part of the movie Beth, is getting fitted for her dress to be in her sisters wedding. At some point in the hole digging, her sister realizes she is inadvertently insulting her about her newly single status and how it would be fine if she remained that way. So this leads me, in a rather long and drawn out way, to this next blog entry.

I guess if I was ever asked who knows me best I would say it would be my dad. He and I are definitely cut from the same mold. I find it funny when I am introduced to people and I am standing near my mom people always say, "Wow, you look so much like your mother" But then when they see me next to my dad and I open my mouth, there is no denying who's kid I am! I think the jury is still out on if this is a good thing. Ever since I was little my mom would dress me up in the cutest outfits with my hair all done up and send me out to play. I would then proceed to get myself into all kinds of trouble. Get stuck in a tree I apparently never should have been climbing. "Borrowing" materials to build our tree house (and my dad's tools-some things never change).

It's like we share a secret language. Most of which involves swearing at inanimate objects. My mom always yells at us for the way we "communicate" but we understand. It just is how we do things. We get loud. We loose our temper. We get it out and get over it. We are Irish.....I'm not sure what part of that she doesn't understand! Since as far back as I can remember my dad has always loved to teach me things and I love to learn. He was a teacher so I guess it just came naturally. He taught me how to play baseball most likely before I could walk. He has taught me so much about woodworking, art, tools and building, basic auto maintenance, even how to drive (thank god~if you have seen my mom drive) and the basic ability to look at something and figure out how it works. I am curious by genetics.

On this particular day I called my dad. We talk a lot. He's now retired and I know if I call during the day he actually gets to answer the phone. I cannot figure out how we got on the subject exactly, because as far as my parents are concerned, I have done no dating since living in Boston. I have learned, don't get them excited about someone who will most likely not be around very long. We started talking about my past relationships and how complete and utter failures the long term ones were. And here it comes....."Would it really be so bad if you never got married? Would you be any less happy and fulfilled?" Wow dad...thanks! I know he meant well. He raised me to be the way I am. At the same time he does know that I am looking for my perfect match. Though at this point, I'm not holding my breath. Yes, I admit. I am very happy person. I am painfully independent, self reliant and stubborn....why am I single again??? But the point is, he knows me. I can take care of myself. Always have, always will. The minute a guy in my life tries to "take care of me" I tend to revolt against it. I'm looking for a partner. Not a parent.

The most frustrating parts of being single usually are the moments when I completely loose it over a jar of salsa I can't seem to get open or a huge piece of furniture I feel the unrelenting need to move right that instant. It has nothing to do with being alone. I actually enjoy being alone. I hate having to "check in" when I want to go do something or loose track of time because I was off doing something only I would find interesting. I guess it is that feeling that you have one person you can always depend on. Would I be ok with being single forever?.....ya sure, but really not what I am after. It's going to take a hell of a tough guy to understand and except me for who I was raised to be.

Thank You Dad!