Karma Cameleon

My grandmother used to say something that I never really understood until a few years ago. "Be careful what you wish for, you may just get it". The circumstances that caused me to leave my design job in CT were ones that left me hoping for the day karma would be the judge of what was right and what was wrong.

Sometimes in life if you are patient, you will get to see karma happen. Other times you aren't that lucky, you just have to hope that people get what they deserve. Other times you are left scratching your head thinking "did I actually deserve that?" In the past few months I have gotten to actually see closure to some of the things that had felt unresolved. It may sound paranoid for those of you who did not actually see the story unfold but I was actually sabotaged by a co-worker. I was hoping for the day his true colors would come out and the rest of the world would see what he was truly made of. He was a volatile and spiteful man who would fight his way to success at the expense of others. When I got that call back in December it was the happiest day I can remember. I can honestly say, though it may seem selfish, bitter, angry and all other kinds of negative things, I was glad to see that his true character had been seen and that the punishment had been just. I now feel at peace.

Now I am faced with another bit of what I am affectionately calling "insta-karma". Usually things don't happen so quickly and so efficiently. Within a weeks time justice was served. But now I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I know I should be happy. One person had caused so much deliberate hurt among people who cared about him. Does he not deserve the result of his actions?

"Be careful what you ask for"...... I think this is my problem. I started this. It was my decision that made everything go pear shaped. If I had I not said anything, someone I have grown to have great respect for would be obliviously happy, one would have gotten away with the "perfect crime".....and me? I'm not sure. I know unhappy would have been on the list. I would have maintained a friend but a friend that thought lying to me and to someone he supposedly cared about was the right thing to do. I guess that is not a true friend. That same "friend" tried very hard to make me look like a fool and a bit of an electronic genius! I am guessing no matter what I decided I would never really trust him again and therefor the friendship was over. A huge part of me doesn't think this is the closure to the situation I was hoping for. Even when people get what they deserve, I am always left wondering "why?"

I guess because this was all so sudden and final my brain hasn't had a chance to think about the overall effect. I will say that I am a bit disappointed. I am always surprised when people aren't who I thought they were or who they said they were. I have been told that I believe a bit too much in the basic good of people. I am too trusting. I guess I can't help it. If I dwell on all of the bad experiences and the pain people I cared about have caused me I would never take risks. I would never get to know new people and there are currently so many people in my life that don't realize just how important they are to me. That alone is worth this risk. I will miss some of the good times I had with this friend, miss the potential for more and try not to harbor any ill will. I want to be able to look back and smile not look back in anger. Karma has done all that needed to be done.