Saturday, March 28, 2009

Freakout moment...

So I talked to the bank about the house and filled out the paperwork for the pre approval. I am "conditionally approved" basically I look good on paper. Excellent! Step in the right direction!


Is this what I really want? Am I ready to actually settle down? It's kind of weird doing this all alone this time. In the same thought; it's mine. All mine. No one is going to fight me out of this house. If this gets fucked up...I did it. No one else. Gulp!

At least I can get rid of the deck of death and the stinky carpet soon!!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Optimistically Cautious....

Ok, I admit it. I'm a bit freaked out. I'm not exactly a glass half empty person but I am aware that if breaks! A realist of sorts. I weigh the options. Plan out the worst case scenario. I gave the whole jumping in thing a try a couple months back and it blew up in my face.

Fast forward to now. Got the pieces back together and headed back out. Feeling a bit braver and looking for greatness. "Take a few new risks" I say. At least I can have a few hilarious stories for the blog. I usually have the best ones about my run ins with guys. I have met some rather interesting folks in my pursuit of "someone".

Brief recap: there was the emotionally unavailable train wreck I was seeing when I moved to Boston. Great guy but some girl broke him. That was a whole lot of fun.... Then I give online dating a try. What the heck else do you do in a new town when you don't know anyone? There was the socially retarded writer that took me all of three minutes to want to actually consider a bathroom window escape. SPEAK! Use your words! I can talk to myself at home! Then was the guy who liked my shoes more than me....hummm. Really? Some day he's going to wake up and realize just how great other guys are and will live happily ever after. He actually out witted me and got me to go out with him for a second date. He used reason against me. I can be such a sucker for a challenge. Next, I met the jobless, functional alcoholic. Breaking up with him was like trying to nail jello to a tree! A couple meaningless flings and a few false starts later and I'm back to looking.....

I made the decision that dating with in "the group" is not the best idea. When it fizzles you are kind of stuck with that person. I am done with the awkward silences. The "what's going on with those two" whispers. Here I am back in the online dating thing. I was expecting a few bad dates. Some "quiet" evenings. Some dirty old men looking for a thirty something by pretending to be at least a decade younger.....Here's the weird part. I met a, dare I say, quality person. Not a hundred percent this is the guy for me, but a normal person. Job, car, house, looks, personality, responsible, and actually understands and shares my sense of humor? Really? Who would have thunk? Certainly not me.....

Oh no, I'm not quite done yet! The job situation is getting weirder. I was offered a job today. That in itself is a story for another day (and perhaps a continuing saga). I did mostly turn the job down based on the fact that it was a start up company. The man had big dreams. I give him credit but I just don't know if I can go along for the ride. We may work out a freelance option but I have to give this one some more thought. Looking through my portfolio again today and giving the same schpeel again makes me miss designing so much. I was damn good at my job. I'm not very cocky about much but this I can't help myself. I miss the adrenaline of the sale. I think half of the fun today was selling this guy on hiring me.

I'm sitting here on the couch trying to process all of this and figure out what I want to do and the phone rings. Oh yes, there is more to my day! My landlord is on the phone. Seems as though all of the stress she has been causing me about this house, well, she has changed her mind! WOW! She and I had an agreement when I moved in that I was going to buy this house. I had a budget. She agreed. Then she decided to raise the price 30K. There went that plan. Today~she calls and offers me the house for the original price and she wants to get the paperwork under way the beginning of the week.

I could be wrong but I think my brain might just explode. Can I have this much happiness going on all at the same time? Good Luck getting to sleep tonight......

Monday, March 23, 2009

A woman's right to shoes.....

I have been thinking about this blog a lot lately. I want to write but I have no "theme" no inspiration. Does a blog really need a theme? No, not really. Maybe it's just my OCD kicking in again. I need organization. A clear path. Some way to form my thoughts. Then one night while half paying attention it came to me. Carrie Bradshaw is a genius! I usually end up turning on the tv at around 11 in my room and falling asleep to it. This night, for some reason or another I am wide awake and all I can find amusement in is an old episode of Sex and the City. One line. In one show. Could that really be what I was after?

"The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun."

Nothing has ever made more sense. Combine my love of shoes with a life's lesson. Hummmm. Who woulda thought? It is very hard to be a single woman in your early thirties without even the prospect of that changing anytime soon. I do silly and frivolous things in hopes that they will bring me some joy. Most often they make no sense to anyone but me. Honestly....I don't care!

It is time to take some chances. Get out there and be a little selfish. I can't complain about my life not being the way I want it. That just means I'm not trying hard enough! I think this blog has found its direction. I'm getting out there...I'm going to be doing stuff. Silly stuff. And you all get to come along for the ride.

Hold on. It may get a little bumpy!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

yesterday I drank tea....

I hate tea. A lot. It smells wonderful. People always tell me what wonderful healing powers it has. To tastes like bath water. Why anyone would chose to put something that tastes like that in their mouth is beyond me (insert disgusting joke here)

The winter doldrums have definitely gotten a full hold on me. I am cold (the reason for the tea), tired, getting sick for what feels like the hundredth time. My skin is dry and so pale I am giving the Irish a bad name, even my freckles have gone into hibernation! My hair feels like straw.....what am I doing in New England? When do I leave for vacation? Why am I not lying on the beach as I type?

Fridays come and all I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. Why is it this is the day everyone wants to head out to "play"? Fridays at five I revert to the dangerous pre-caffeine version of myself. Can I rally and head out into the world...yes. Is it always the best idea....NO. This is usually when I do the best job of putting my foot in my mouth. Exhaustion is far worse than a couple of drinks for me. Combine them.....LOOK OUT!

I have been writing here a bunch in the past two weeks. Please notice that you see no entries. I have been noticing that even my overall attitude is grouchier than usual (insert gasps from holding back the inevitable snide comment). "If you have nothing nice to say~don't say anything at all" I have remained very quiet.

There is this rumor that spring is right around the corner. I think it needs a map and a good pair of running shoes. This is getting ridiculous. Snow? Again? Have we not endured enough? I think I will sit back, hold my delicious smelling mug of apple cinnamon tea and wait for some sunshine, perhaps a glimmer of grass and 60 degree temperatures before commenting on the world and how I see it........

Until then....stay warm =)